Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
