remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
