I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
