At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
