We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
