So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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