I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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