Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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