I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
