he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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