just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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