I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
