Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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