I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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