I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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