Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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