after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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