well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
