I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My liver just broke up with me...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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