he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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