we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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