epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
