I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize