Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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