He passed out mid-signature
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
