I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
