U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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