I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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