So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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