Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
