Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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