Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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