my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
