Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
