I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
