I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
