Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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