why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
