Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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