How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
