I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
