dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize