my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
