Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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