my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
