Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize