based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
