my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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