I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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