I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
