i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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