No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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