honey bunches of taint.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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