My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
