OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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