I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
