somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
