2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I need water and some morals
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