White coat. Heels.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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