and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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