She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just cropdusted the office
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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