Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
