took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize