i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
