Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
