mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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