i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
