You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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