Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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