i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
