he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
