I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
