yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
