return my video game
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
