he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
