so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
