I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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