College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
