he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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