Don't make out with my wife yet
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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